WEEK TWO POWER RANKINGS
1. Team Faggy Vampire Kids (1-0)
LAST WEEK: N/A
WEEK ONE RESULT: Win 151-146 (vs. Argh! Not The Bees!)
WEEK TWO MATCH-UP: vs. Team Sparkle (1-0)
WEEK TWO PREDICTION: Win 165-132 (vs. Team Sparkle)
High atop the Power Rankings sits Matt Ruud's Faggy Vampire Kids, and for the first week, they are easily the most deserving. A couple of key performances helped seal the deal on their first win, but overall, this team already looks like the one to beat. Even with some of their stars producing minimal contributions (Chargers Defense and QB Philip Rivers), Ruud's team still led the league in points scored. The only downside has to be his options from the bench in case of injury, which is just like situation Donkey Chain 4 Life would be looking at down the road. There isn't much activity and potential coming from his bench, so it might be something an advantageous Ruud would be looking at in terms of trades and working the wavier wire. But for Week Two, guarantee a blowout for Team Faggy Vampire Kids over their rival Team Sparkle.
2. Team Votto (1-0)
LAST WEEK: N/A
WEEK ONE RESULT: Win 127-84 (@ Donkey Chain 4 Life)
WEEK TWO MATCH-UP: @ Argh! Not The Bees! (0-1)
WEEK TWO PREDICTION: Loss 149-155 (@ Argh! Not The Bees!)
Yeah, it was the second lowest win total for last week. Yes, Team Votto was going up against a mismanaged mess of a team. So why the number two position? That bench. 96 points coming from the guys sitting on the sidelines? That number is astounding, and when compared to say, Donkey Chain 4 Life's score from last week, it is downright pornographic. All owners in the Fuck Yo Couch League should be scared of the potential within Nick Votto's team. The only thing that should bring any of them solace at night is that Nick Votto is managing the team. Trotting out the Vikings defense versus the Eagles with their dominating secondary? Keeping Brett Favre in the OP slot while letting WR Santonio Holmes sit on the bench, knowing that the Pittsburgh run was going up against a tight Titan D-Line? These are probably questions that aren't plaguing Votto, as he won last week and will likely making roster decisions all the way up to Sunday morning. The trend dictates a close battle between Argh! Not The Bees! and Team Votto, and while I would love to think that each of Votto's explosive players are going to replicate their Week One numbers, I just can't bring myself to believe it when his beast QB Drew Brees is going up against that Eagles defense. It will be a loss for Team Votto, but it will be a narrow one.
3. The Philly Fakeouts (1-0)
LAST WEEK: N/A
WEEK ONE RESULT: Win 122-118 (vs. Rob's Team)
WEEK TWO MATCH-UP: vs. Team Minch
WEEK TWO PREDICTION: Win 154-131 (vs. Team Minch)
The Philly Fakeouts are the team that I think will fly under the radar for most of the season - not too flashy with point totals not too high, but they will rack up several wins. Last week's 4-point win against Rob's Team was not indicative of the team's overall potential, as the bench Justin Ferrari has to pull from is extensive in all areas. Each position has a viable backup if the starter hits a cold streak, even QB where Jay Cutler (despite his horrendous performance against Green Bay - that is a fluke, people) is the back up to a solid-looking Tony Romo. With this coverage over all positions (with the exception of the weak defensive selection of the Miami Dolphins), The Philly Fakeouts are my pick for the last team to be left undefeated after the third week of play. As for the upcoming match-up against Team Minch, I don't think that Ferrari has anything to worry about as Minch does not have the stability or power to overcome a team like The Philly Fakeouts.
4. Team Sparkle (1-0)
LAST WEEK: N/A
WEEK ONE RESULT: Win 135-126 (@ Team Minch)
WEEK TWO MATCH-UP: @ Team Faggy Vampire Kids (1-0)
WEEK TWO PREDICTION: Loss 132-165 (@ Team Faggy Vampire Kids)
Team Sparkle eeked out a win against an underperforming Team Minch, but her men on the field performed admirably and solidly. With a point total of 135, and with some teams leaving so many points on the bench, that score is not going to secure a victory two weeks from now. The main issue with Team Sparkle's roster is that there is no true standout player, like Adrian Peterson is for Argh! Not The Bees! or Drew Brees for Team Votto. Yes, Larry Fitzgerald is a stud, but he's barely trending into the low twenties in terms of predictions for this week against a lackluster Jaguars defense. She's also got issues at QB, with the brilliant but Fantasy toxic Ben Roethlisberger backing up the aging Kurt Warner. If Warner struggles throughout the season - which many analysts are already predicting - Big Ben is not going to help Team Sparkle with his low-teens production. Sparkle's opponent this week is number one ranked Team Faggy Vampire Kids and, if Matt Ruud can manage his team properly, Christina Ruud is in for a rough match-up. I predict this will be the blowout of the week, even though she's got steady production in her core of receivers and running backs.
5. Argh! Not The Bees! (0-1)
LAST WEEK: N/A
WEEK ONE RESULT: Loss 146-151 (@ Team Faggy Vampire Kids)
WEEK TWO MATCH-UP: vs. Team Votto (1-0)
WEEK TWO PREDICTION: Win 155-149 (vs. Team Votto)
Despite having Week One's second highest point total and going up against the early favorite Team Faggy Vampire Kids, we have to look at Michael Votto's Argh! Not The Bees! with critical eyes. A good chunk of his points came from RB phenom Adrian Peterson, so if you take away that part, you have a team comparable to The Philly Fakeouts or Rob's Team. Despite this strength at RB and QB, there isn't much depth into the bench on either side. A recovering Tom Brady is backed up by an ailing Donovan McNabb, and Peterson has little help from LenDale White. Without some work on the waiver wire, or some key performances by the bench, Argh! Not The Bees! is one of the riskiest teams in the entire league. And with Week Two's match-up being against rival Team Votto, Not The Bees! needs a solid win to establish a firm foothold in the top half of the Power Rankings. It is more than possible, with Team Votto's top scorer QB Drew Brees heading into Philadelphia, a much tougher defensive secondary, not to mention they represent a fellow teammate. If all falls into place, you could see them walk away with a win while moving up in the Power Rankings.
6. Team Minch (0-1)
LAST WEEK: N/A
WEEK ONE RESULT: Loss 126-135 (vs. Team Sparkle)
WEEK TWO MATCH-UP: @ The Philly Fakeouts (1-0)
WEEK TWO PREDICTION: Loss 131-154 (@ The Philly Fakeouts)
Team Minch had a rough go of it last week against Team Sparkle - his two bigger picks in the draft came up short when he really needed them to perform. It was a close loss, so the owner can take a lot of positives away from the results. The best thing you can say is that the QB position should be their biggest benefit, as the acquisition of Aaron Rodgers and Joe Flacco makes playing two QBs an option, and an attractive one at that. Even though Rodgers was not his best on Sunday night, he was going up against a stifling Chicago defense, so he should have better luck and stats this week against Cincinnati. The biggest and scariest question mark for Team Minch this week is in RB LaDainian Tomlinson, as he is questionable for the Chargers game against Baltimore. If his number one RB is out for the game, anticipate some serious juggling on Minch's behalf, perhaps choosing a RB like Jamal Lewis, who looks to get more running time with Brady Quinn being so terribly awful at quarterbacking. Despite all that, in order to win their game against The Philly Fakeouts, Team Minch needs to make some slight adjustments to their roster to keep up with a deep squad. Getting WR Vincent Jackson and RB Cadillac Williams into the starters should be on Minch's list of priorities, but he's also got the decision of whether to start two QBs as Flacco was lights out last week in terms of points. If Team Minch is up for it, they could give The Philly Fakeouts a run for their money, but after all is said and done, Team Minch are just going up against a team that are solid all around. I predict a defeat for Team Minch but a higher point total for both teams.
7. Rob's Team (0-1)
LAST WEEK: N/A
WEEK ONE RESULT: Loss 118-122 (@ The Philly Fakeouts)
WEEK TWO MATCH-UP: vs. Donkey Chain 4 Life (0-1)
WEEK TWO PREDICTION: Win 140-128 (vs. Donkey Chain 4 Life)
Truly, only one team played at a sophomoric level this past week, but there has to be a second from the bottom. Rob Pakulski's team contributed to the Match of the Week, and it was a valiant effort up until the last minute of the Chargers/Raiders game. The biggest thing holding back the team during Week One was not mismangement of talent , but key players not playing to their potential. He had "sure things" like Matt Forte in the number one RB position and Anquan Boldin in the WR slot, only to have them contribute a net 8 points to the squad. Rob's Team is one to watch closely because it is stocked with players and his bench is already fairly lively. With a little more tweaking and some breakout weeks from one or two feast/famine players (not to mention RB Marshawn Lynch coming off the IR), Rob's Team could climb the Power Rankings fairly quickly. Also, playing against Donkey Chain 4 Life should help a little bit, though it won't as lopsided as one might believe.
8. Donkey Chain 4 Life (0-1)
LAST WEEK: N/A
WEEK ONE RESULT: Loss 84-127 (vs. Team Votto)
WEEK TWO MATCH-UP: @ Rob's Team (0-1)
WEEK TWO PREDICTION: Loss 128-140 (@ Rob's Team)
An abysmal performance all around, Donkey Chain 4 Life appears to have one of the weakest teams in the entire league. It's not a question of the players staying healthy or having bad games, but if the entire roster could potentially be loaded with players having an off-year. The bench is shallow, and all their top talent is starting, so an 84-point result is beyond scary for owner Omar Escobedo. The only plus side to the predicament of Donkey Chain 4 Life is that the team possesses two solid QBs, Peyton Manning and Matt Cassel. The latter may end up being trade bait when he gets healthy for teams looking for a more reliable player at the position (looking at Team Sparkle and even Team Faggy Vampire Kids). If play continues to be poor, and if Donkey Chain 4 Life wants to be a true contender instead of being this league's Detroit Lions, the waiver wire and trades in the third or fourth week of play might be their only hope. But again, its the first week, so they might bounce back and they have a healthy chance of doing it against an inconsistent and hard-to-manage Rob's Team. I think the game will be closer than some think, but I still think that Donkey Chain 4 Life will have its first shot at a win in Week Three.
WEEK TWO AWARD PREDICTIONS
Match of the Week - Team Votto @ Argh! Not The Bees!
Weekly Biggest Blowout - Team Faggy Vampire Kids vs. Team Sparkle
Weekly Most Points Left On The Bench - Team Votto
Weekly High Score - Team Faggy Vampire Kids
Weekly Low Score - Donkey Chain 4 Life
Player of the Week - WR Reggie Wayne (Team Minch)
Bust of the Week - WR Brandon Marshall (Donkey Chain 4 Life)
I see things a little differently...
ReplyDeleteThe total point combo of starters and bench is hard to overlook. I wouldn't say I mismanaged, some of those performances were hard to predict...I don't think anyone had the eagles d for 30+ points. Team Votto is deep. Depth equals ownage. Thus it follows, Team Votto equal ownage. Modus Ponens bitch!